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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?