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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends drifted away at that point, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my role between us feels one-sided. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation to a nation I know well repeatedly even called home for a while. I attempted to share insights, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially just desired validation of her choices. I have returned from 30 days there she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she can understand the effect of her actions on my confidence. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. Emotions are valid, after all. Step three is to ask how the two of you going to change the interaction of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject everything, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a story about themselves they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out this way then consider about what you've said. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.